Free to Choose

I was talking with a friend the other day about agency.  He said so many people just accept their life the way it is, because they feel like they have no idea how capable they are of changing it.  Sometimes we are afraid to want beautiful things for ourselves, afraid that we won't get what we want, that we don't deserve it, that it will be different than we dreamed.  I've been thinking tonight about the things that hold us back.

And so, I present to you... the 5 d's : distraction, delay, discouragement, defeat, and doubt.

Any accomplishment takes focus, and in this world of tv, radio, internet, ipods, cell phones, (etc. etc.) there is plenty to be distracted by.  Women are especially susceptible to this because we are chronic multi-taskers. I mean, I'm watching "Mickey's Christmas Carol" while I'm typing this.  Thus, proving my point.

And who doesn't want what they want NOW?  The hardest part about wanting something is waiting for it.  Whether it's a car, a house, falling in love, getting married, or something as simple as going to sleep, it can be painful to wait for the things we want, especially if we see others getting these things "easily."

When it takes longer than we feel it should to get something, or when things don't come as easily as we'd like them to, we can become discouraged.  It's an interesting word, meaning a lack of courage, hope, or confidence.  Lacking these qualities can make getting things done difficult.

When we allow discouragement to linger too long, it can turn into feeling defeated.  We can't win all the time, we can't get everything we want, and that's okay.  In fact, it's great, because knowing the bitterness of defeat makes the successes sweeter.  

Last but not least is Doubt, something I am very familiar with.  I will second guess every idea, every sentence, every word of my book until I am exhausted and my poor book is huddled in a corner crying and rocking back and forth.  But I know this is a result of doubt in myself, not doubt in my story.


I suppose in this world there are things that break down and things that build up.  For every "D" there is an antidote.  For distraction, Focus.  For delay, Patience.  For discouragement, Courage.  For defeat, Perseverance.  And for doubt, Faith.  As we infuse our lives with these antidotes, we will be empowered to direct the course of our lives and become the people we are destined to be.

  

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.” From “Oh, The Places You’ll Go!” by Dr. Seuss

Doubt, Thou Shalt Die

As kids we think we can do anything.  We are excited by every accomplishment no matter how small, and can't wait to show somebody.
Ever been around a kid when they're in the "watch this!" stage?  They think everything they do is fascinating and incredible.
But as we grow up, our confidence can fade until it seems to disappear completely.  How did we become these anxious, negative, awkward, insecure adults?  Thoughts like this steal away our time, our happiness, and our strength.  Self doubt is the greatest obstacle standing between who we are and who we are capable of being.
So how can we overcome self-doubt and embrace our inner awesomeness?  
1. Improve your self-esteem.  
    To esteem is to respect, admire, or like.  So make a list about what you respect, admire, or like about yourself.  What accomplishments, talents, and qualities make you special?
2. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations.
    It may be that we are what we think, rather than what we eat.  Create a phrase that says confidently that you are whatever qualities are important to you, and say it often. 
3. Stop worrying.
    This does not mean stop caring, we are not robots.  Rather, it's like the old prayer- God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
4. Face your fears.
     Ever notice the scary movie isn't so scary once you see the monster/killer/ghost?  Fear is the same way.  Once we identify exactly what it is we are afraid of, we weaken it's power over us.  Then we can see clearly how to overcome it.
5. Open up.
     Doubt and fear are contracting emotions, they cause us to shrink away from possibilities.  The opposite of these emotions are confidence and courage.  We have to take risks, be a little vulnerable, and open ourselves up to all of the opportunities life has to offer us.


The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.  ~Sylvia Plath