Free to Choose

I was talking with a friend the other day about agency.  He said so many people just accept their life the way it is, because they feel like they have no idea how capable they are of changing it.  Sometimes we are afraid to want beautiful things for ourselves, afraid that we won't get what we want, that we don't deserve it, that it will be different than we dreamed.  I've been thinking tonight about the things that hold us back.

And so, I present to you... the 5 d's : distraction, delay, discouragement, defeat, and doubt.

Any accomplishment takes focus, and in this world of tv, radio, internet, ipods, cell phones, (etc. etc.) there is plenty to be distracted by.  Women are especially susceptible to this because we are chronic multi-taskers. I mean, I'm watching "Mickey's Christmas Carol" while I'm typing this.  Thus, proving my point.

And who doesn't want what they want NOW?  The hardest part about wanting something is waiting for it.  Whether it's a car, a house, falling in love, getting married, or something as simple as going to sleep, it can be painful to wait for the things we want, especially if we see others getting these things "easily."

When it takes longer than we feel it should to get something, or when things don't come as easily as we'd like them to, we can become discouraged.  It's an interesting word, meaning a lack of courage, hope, or confidence.  Lacking these qualities can make getting things done difficult.

When we allow discouragement to linger too long, it can turn into feeling defeated.  We can't win all the time, we can't get everything we want, and that's okay.  In fact, it's great, because knowing the bitterness of defeat makes the successes sweeter.  

Last but not least is Doubt, something I am very familiar with.  I will second guess every idea, every sentence, every word of my book until I am exhausted and my poor book is huddled in a corner crying and rocking back and forth.  But I know this is a result of doubt in myself, not doubt in my story.


I suppose in this world there are things that break down and things that build up.  For every "D" there is an antidote.  For distraction, Focus.  For delay, Patience.  For discouragement, Courage.  For defeat, Perseverance.  And for doubt, Faith.  As we infuse our lives with these antidotes, we will be empowered to direct the course of our lives and become the people we are destined to be.

  

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.” From “Oh, The Places You’ll Go!” by Dr. Seuss

About My Book..

Last night I was hanging out with an old friend who asked what my book was about.  As I told her, I got wrapped up in the story all over again and realized how much I believe in it.  I also realized that between 2 sisters' birthdays, Thanksgiving, work, and all of the fun I've been having, I haven't worked on it in about a week!  That is unacceptable.  

Some of you  read the first draft of my book last year, and some of you know the general idea of the story, but for the rest of you, here is a synopsis, kind of a back-cover description.  Also, as I am going to try to finish the second draft by the end of the year and publish as an ebook, I am working on some cover ideas.  Please let me know what you think.  This is my favorite so far.  It's a picture of St. Aug at sunset, and the font feels kind of ancient and mysterious, and there's a lot of symbolism with light and dark, so I wanted to incorporate that as well.  Anyway, here's the synopsis:

Alex and her two younger sisters have lived with their grandmother in the strange old town of St. Augustine since the mysterious death of their mother eight years ago.  But on the night of Alex's eighteenth birthday she discovers a family secret so terrifying that she runs away without even saying goodbye.  When she returns ten years later, she must face the traumatic events of her past and many changes, including a beloved family member who no longer remembers her, a sister who hates her, and the reemergence of a gift she always thought was a curse.  As she seeks to reclaim the life she once abandoned, she initiates a series of events that will push her to the brink of sanity, endanger the lives of those she loves, and change the ancient city forever.  

Balancing Acts

There is so much in this world competing for our attention that it's overwhelming sometimes.  When we are young adults, still figuring out the basic big questions of our lives, this can be even more complicated.  Education, dating, exercising, family time, developing our talents, work, doing things we love... we can't do all of it at once and yet it's all important.  Finding a balance is not only essential to our sanity, it helps us to relieve stress, reduce anxiety and depression, and live more pleasant, well-rounded lives.

So how do we balance all of these aspects of our lives?  The internet is filled with ideas for this, like: decluttering your life, learning to delegate, keeping track of your time, learning when to really dedicate yourself to a task and when to let things go, being organized, and being true to ourselves.  Balance will mean something different to each of us, because each of us has different ideas of what is important, and this is good.  Our diversity is what makes us interesting.

For me the problem has always been fitting in each of the things I love to do, plus each of the things I need to do, without getting obsessive about any of them.  When there's something I don't like to do, I'll try not to do it at all.  When there's something I love, I'll spend hours getting lost in it (I'm thinking of you, awesome puzzle).  But either way it's an extreme, and so I'm trying to find a balance.  The whole "dailies" thing helps, and I am starting to get into the swing of things with my new jobs.  

I have to be strict with myself though.  I have to say "Okay, Megan... you can work on your book from 9-12, but then you need to do the dishes.  Then you can write new articles for John from 1-3, and then go for a walk.  You can post 2 new articles for Visitsouth.com, and then you can relax and do whatever you feel like doing."  I like this way of life.

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony." -  Thomas Merton

Doubt, Thou Shalt Die

As kids we think we can do anything.  We are excited by every accomplishment no matter how small, and can't wait to show somebody.
Ever been around a kid when they're in the "watch this!" stage?  They think everything they do is fascinating and incredible.
But as we grow up, our confidence can fade until it seems to disappear completely.  How did we become these anxious, negative, awkward, insecure adults?  Thoughts like this steal away our time, our happiness, and our strength.  Self doubt is the greatest obstacle standing between who we are and who we are capable of being.
So how can we overcome self-doubt and embrace our inner awesomeness?  
1. Improve your self-esteem.  
    To esteem is to respect, admire, or like.  So make a list about what you respect, admire, or like about yourself.  What accomplishments, talents, and qualities make you special?
2. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations.
    It may be that we are what we think, rather than what we eat.  Create a phrase that says confidently that you are whatever qualities are important to you, and say it often. 
3. Stop worrying.
    This does not mean stop caring, we are not robots.  Rather, it's like the old prayer- God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
4. Face your fears.
     Ever notice the scary movie isn't so scary once you see the monster/killer/ghost?  Fear is the same way.  Once we identify exactly what it is we are afraid of, we weaken it's power over us.  Then we can see clearly how to overcome it.
5. Open up.
     Doubt and fear are contracting emotions, they cause us to shrink away from possibilities.  The opposite of these emotions are confidence and courage.  We have to take risks, be a little vulnerable, and open ourselves up to all of the opportunities life has to offer us.


The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.  ~Sylvia Plath

I Heart Lists

Also inside my crazy orange binder is a list of qualities it takes to make a book good: the perfect setting, intriguing characters, a dynamic plot, motivation & determination to see it through, and a good writer.  A good writer: studies other writers' work, knows their audience, improves their technique, increases their creativity, expands their vocabulary, and writes often.
Simple enough, right? WRONG.
Because for every big "to do" there are a million little "to do's," and sometimes figuring out what they are is the hardest part of all.  So I challenged myself today to make a list of all the little "to do's" that are making up the big "to do" of getting my books published, even the ones that are "to done." (That way I can see that I have already made a lot of progress even though I have a LOT more to do.)

Why I Write

I have this crazy orange notebook that I sometimes refer to while I'm writing.  On the inside front cover is a list called: Why I Write.  I started this list because I needed a reminder of why I'm choosing to torture myself on a daily basis.
It looks something like: "it's fun, it's cathartic, spontaneous, an adventure, surprising, to tell a story, to hopefully, someday, make money at it, to entertain, to share, to make sense and connections out of life."
And though I love writing so much that I'd do it whether I ever get published or not, I often fantasize that I am a real, grown-up writer.  Sometimes this looks like me traveling the world, doing book tours and being best friends with Ellen DeGeneres.  Other times my life looks pretty much the same, only I have money.
The trouble with people like me is, when you forget why you are doing something and focus on legitimizing it by expecting fame and fortune, you pack pressure on yourself that makes the creative process almost painful.  Strike that, very painful.
I've heard writing a book compared to giving birth (in that you're bringing something new into the world).  That's kind of a gross analogy, but I can see how it applies.  And even when the painful birthing process is over, you still have to feed it, change poopy diapers, and it definitely screws up your sleeping patterns.  But even though it might get on your nerves sometimes, you still love it.  Most of the time.
One more reason I'm writing- I'm pretty sure it makes you a superhero.

Dear Book,

I am so. sorry.  I remember when we first met.  I was taking a writing course through The Institute of Children's Literature in CT, and I had an assignment and you just kind of came to me, piece by piece.  I loved you instantly, but as the course drew to a close I tucked you away and we grew apart.  The next time I saw you, I had grown up a little and I felt like you should too.  And so over the years I worked on you, picking you apart chapter by chapter and word by word until I had pretty much mangled you.  Sometimes I get a glimpse of what you could be, and that fills me with anticipation and I move forward.  Other times I hate you and I kind of want to rip you up into tiny pieces and light you on fire.  Ours is a complicated, passionate affair.  But through it all, you have been waiting for me to get it together and help you get published... I'm still working on it.